1. “I’m American, I don’t speak French” works like a Get Out of Jail Free card for bad conversations, tedious requests, and your own bureaucratic errors
2. You have a pretty low bar to clear in terms of public appearance (i.e., just don’t wear booty shorts, sweatshirts, or sweatpants, and you’ll exceed expectations)
3. You are the authority on the US and what you say is the ultimate truth
4. English. You speak excellent English. (Pour one out for Francois Hollande, he did his best.)
5. You can fake it ’til you make it like no other because in school you learned that America is *the greatest country in the world*
6. You’re ready for any kind of weather (29°F is cold? 90°F is hot? Puh-lease, you’ve been to Chicago and Death Valley, France’s tepid temps are a breeze)
7. You know how to be efficient with your time, none of this 2-hour meal nonsense
8. Though you may know nothing about French breakfast, lunch, or dinner, you are a brunch expert
9. Wine, cheese, bread, and even prix fixe meals are less $$$ in France than in the US, so while the French gripe about the bill, you ain’t even mad
10. Your style can only improve (unlike when the French come to the US looking *fresh* and leave in sweatpants)
11. You have a reputation for being fun (thank movies like The Hangover and American Pie for this)
12. All French men want to “show you the real Paris”
13. Thanks to athletic extracurriculars, you excel at sports (except soccer)
14. Never. Forget. You. Represent. The. Height. Of. Pop. Culture.
15. You know the *correct* lyrics to all the popular songs (because you’re going to hear a lot of American music)
16. France loves American movies, and obvi you’re an expert
17. AND WE’VE GOT BEYONCÉ
18. You have an excuse to forget about the current state of political turmoil the US is in… out of sight, out of mind, right?
19. Unlike when French people come to the US and gain weight, you will go to France and lose weight (because so. much. walking.)
20. If you do something weird or embarrassing, you can just tell people it’s totally normal/acceptable in the US (because that’s probably the truth)
21. Any kind of enthusiasm that’s required of you, you’re prepared (unless it’s for a soccer game, then the French have you beat)
22. Not knowing something is fine — everyone expects it since you didn’t get that French “bonne éducation”
23. You’re American, and as much as French people love to hate America… they love us 🙂
