There Are Only Two Important Things To Know About Wine

There are only two things anyone needs to know about wine. The first is that, applied properly, it is a psychological and emotional salve, a conductor of social electricities; and the second is that, whether it’s red or white, cheap or expensive, you should generally enjoy the experience of drinking it. 

Adam Conover of Adam Ruins Everything, that rare YouTube-series-turned-TV-series fairy tale, pretty much covers everything you need to know about why, in the end, the important thing about wine is that you like the taste, full stop:

It’s also worth mentioning that restaurants are trying to game you into buying the second-cheapest wine because they know you don’t want to look like some frugal plebeian. That’s why they make sure that the second-cheapest wine available has the most profit built into it.

If you’re feeling bad, like the finer things in life are just constructs designed by bored people with way more money than you, that’s the good news: largely, that’s what they are. At least when it comes to wine. Not to worry, though: even they can’t maintain their own self-congratulatory delusions some times. That’s how the Judgment of Paris happened, after all.

The Onion‘s take on wine appreciation is as illuminating as any:

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You already know everything you need to know about wine. If anything, you probably know too much for your own good. Red pairs with meat, white pairs with fish, and nothing pairs with hubris.