“I have a political crush,” Sarah Palin—the United States’ most famous retiree—wrote on Brietbart Sunday, “but one I couldn’t vote for today—because she ran for office in France.”

The long distance affection Palin feels is for the now-trounced Marion Maréchal Le Pen. What is it about Le Pen? A lot of things: she’s courageous, patriotic, has common sense, and is a “devout Catholic and unapologetically pro-life.”

“More importantly, young Marion Maréchal-Le Pen is unashamed to champion France’s Judeo-Christian identity and heritage as something worth preserving and fighting for. She also believes that Maréchal Le Pen sets “an example for even American politicians to be so bold.”

It’s a family affair, too: Palin also admires Marine Le Pen’s “bold style” in taking control of the Front National “in order to purge it of any trace of anti-Semitism, which it had unfortunately been tainted with in the past.” The surviving members of the National Socialist German Workers’ Party were not available for comment, but loud groans were reported in the more mountainous areas of Argentina.

For the American Republican—who is probably unaware of Le Pen’s stance on the “certain domains” that are “so vital to the well-being of citizens” that the government, not the private sector, should be in charge of them—the Le Pen femmes to harp on her favorite themes: gone are the Death Panels of the 2008 campaign, now it’s the “Death Cult” of Daesh, with the blame once again laid at the feet of liberals.

“The Left wraps itself in political correctness and multiculturalism like a suicide vest. They’d rather blow up the whole country than admit the stupidity of thinking a nation can remain the same after inviting in millions of people who despise its values.” Le Pen or Palin? The only way to tell is the bad metaphors and worse syntax: classic Palin.

She also attacked Syrian refugees, asking, “Was anyone surprised that the mastermind of the Paris attacks entered the country by posing as a Syrian ‘refugee?’” Unmentioned—likely because, as in the instance of Le Pen’s liberal economic views, Palin is unaware—is that the alleged mastermind of the Paris attacks, Abdelhamid Abaaoud, was born in Belgium, and didn’t need a Syrian passport to enter France any more than someone on the no-fly list in America is barred from buying a gun.

Drawing parallels to the rise of fringe, anti-establishment characters like Donald Trump in the United States and the (once) soaring fortunes of the FN in France, Palin concluded in superb fashion, comparing Marion Maréchal Le Pen to… ahem, Joan of Arc.

“As Marion faces the political battles ahead,” Palin says, “I wouldn’t be surprised if she says a prayer to France’s Patron Saint, for Marion is a reminder of her—Joan of Arc.”

Additional snark added by English Edition editor-in-chief Patrick Hipp.